Rules of Dating: Rule Six - Intentions
Previously, I wrote a blog called Rules of Dating. The title speaks for itself. In it, I shared my outlook or frame of mind when entering into a friendship, dating someone, or establishing/being in a relationship. I will touch on that today by adding another rule to my list of rules.
Here's what we have so far:
Rule One: enter with a positive attitude or don't enter at all.
Rule Two: be the person that expresses kindness and care, and uplifts.
Rule Three: communicate clearly, listen, ask and answer questions.
Rule Four: be accepting and patient of others and compliment their weaknesses with your strengths, accept their strength in your weaknesses.
Rule Five: be yourself, but your best self.
If you haven't read the first blog, I strongly suggest reading it before you read this one. Anyway, here we go...
PURE INTENTIONS
The first thing you must ask yourself is why do you want to know this person? What are your intentions?
There are people who will start a friendship, dating, or enter into a relationship because that person has something they want. It could be money (That includes income potential), status, influence, discounts, connections, sex, information, vindication for a friend, and others. I just want to start off by saying, these are the wrong reasons to initiate conversation with someone. I do not believe that a person should start a dialogue with someone with the intention of getting something from them. To me, that is greed. To me, that is using someone. To me, that person you're talking to is just a means to an end. It's not even about that person. That person has something you want. If that person didn't have it, you probably wouldn't have talked to them. And, more than likely, when you get what you want, unless they have something else you want, you're probably done with that person. That person has served your purpose. ("Thank you, sir, but I think I've got everything I needed. It's been nice knowing you." "Wham bam, hot damn, so sorry ma'am, but the train is on the move, and I can't be late for my next victim.")
The only worthwhile thing to pursue when meeting someone is love. You seek to love that person. You seek their love. That's friend-love or romantic-love. Not sex. Sex is not love. I'm talking about LOVE. A pure, deep connection between two people who spend a respectable time together and care solely about the person, and not what they can get. You know you love someone when you give freely without the desire or need for the favor to be returned. It is because you love them, that you give. You serve, because you love. Jesus's life was deeply involved in service to others. He was the purest example of unfailing love.
When you meet that person, if you don't want to get to know that person with the hopeful intention of being their loving and supportive friend, then re-evaluate your intentions before engaging.
Let's take this from another perspective. Pursue that person as God pursues that person. You see; we have nothing that God needs. The only thing God wants is our love, but He doesn't even need that. And God gives us love, even if/when we don't deserve it or have anything to give Him. Love should be the fuel that powers your desire to interact with someone.
When I'm attracted to someone (this is Rules of Dating, after all), I have a strong desire to know the person better. Without getting to know that person better, I cannot satisfy my curiosity and establish whether or not I want to be friends. Without a friendship, I cannot have that emotional connection (love). While I am, like many others, a hormonal male, my intellectual and spiritual curiosity, and my desire for an emotional connection (love), overrule my base human drives. My intentions are almost always love. Now, when phrased that way, one might think, "Well, isn't that something you want? Aren't you just using that person for love?" Well, here's the great thing about wonderful, beautiful love. Love is mutually beneficial, and sometimes (this is dependent on who the person is you're loving) more beneficial to the other person.
When your intention for dating is love, it is in that person's best interest. You should start dating someone with their best interest at heart, as well as yours. Don't date them because they have something, unless that something they have is a great personality, smile, eyes, good heart, healthy mindset, blah blah, and another blah. Your intentions should be the person at heart.
The core of these rules of dating is that you want the best dating experience for both of you. Your intention should be to bring joy into that person's life. You are that joy. You are that beautiful, splendid jewel God has blessed that person with. You are the light at the end of the long and painfully treacherous road that is dating. You are the prize at the top of the mountain. It's been a long climb, but satisfaction has arrived! Be the blessing.
Rule Six is enter with the best and purest intentions, to love and be loved.
CONCLUSION
With that, I close for now. However, I have another rule. Rule number seven. I will touch on that later.
May the loving Holy Spirit of our Lord fill you.
Here's what we have so far:
Rule One: enter with a positive attitude or don't enter at all.
Rule Two: be the person that expresses kindness and care, and uplifts.
Rule Three: communicate clearly, listen, ask and answer questions.
Rule Four: be accepting and patient of others and compliment their weaknesses with your strengths, accept their strength in your weaknesses.
Rule Five: be yourself, but your best self.
If you haven't read the first blog, I strongly suggest reading it before you read this one. Anyway, here we go...
PURE INTENTIONS
The first thing you must ask yourself is why do you want to know this person? What are your intentions?
There are people who will start a friendship, dating, or enter into a relationship because that person has something they want. It could be money (That includes income potential), status, influence, discounts, connections, sex, information, vindication for a friend, and others. I just want to start off by saying, these are the wrong reasons to initiate conversation with someone. I do not believe that a person should start a dialogue with someone with the intention of getting something from them. To me, that is greed. To me, that is using someone. To me, that person you're talking to is just a means to an end. It's not even about that person. That person has something you want. If that person didn't have it, you probably wouldn't have talked to them. And, more than likely, when you get what you want, unless they have something else you want, you're probably done with that person. That person has served your purpose. ("Thank you, sir, but I think I've got everything I needed. It's been nice knowing you." "Wham bam, hot damn, so sorry ma'am, but the train is on the move, and I can't be late for my next victim.")
The only worthwhile thing to pursue when meeting someone is love. You seek to love that person. You seek their love. That's friend-love or romantic-love. Not sex. Sex is not love. I'm talking about LOVE. A pure, deep connection between two people who spend a respectable time together and care solely about the person, and not what they can get. You know you love someone when you give freely without the desire or need for the favor to be returned. It is because you love them, that you give. You serve, because you love. Jesus's life was deeply involved in service to others. He was the purest example of unfailing love.
When you meet that person, if you don't want to get to know that person with the hopeful intention of being their loving and supportive friend, then re-evaluate your intentions before engaging.
Let's take this from another perspective. Pursue that person as God pursues that person. You see; we have nothing that God needs. The only thing God wants is our love, but He doesn't even need that. And God gives us love, even if/when we don't deserve it or have anything to give Him. Love should be the fuel that powers your desire to interact with someone.
When I'm attracted to someone (this is Rules of Dating, after all), I have a strong desire to know the person better. Without getting to know that person better, I cannot satisfy my curiosity and establish whether or not I want to be friends. Without a friendship, I cannot have that emotional connection (love). While I am, like many others, a hormonal male, my intellectual and spiritual curiosity, and my desire for an emotional connection (love), overrule my base human drives. My intentions are almost always love. Now, when phrased that way, one might think, "Well, isn't that something you want? Aren't you just using that person for love?" Well, here's the great thing about wonderful, beautiful love. Love is mutually beneficial, and sometimes (this is dependent on who the person is you're loving) more beneficial to the other person.
When your intention for dating is love, it is in that person's best interest. You should start dating someone with their best interest at heart, as well as yours. Don't date them because they have something, unless that something they have is a great personality, smile, eyes, good heart, healthy mindset, blah blah, and another blah. Your intentions should be the person at heart.
The core of these rules of dating is that you want the best dating experience for both of you. Your intention should be to bring joy into that person's life. You are that joy. You are that beautiful, splendid jewel God has blessed that person with. You are the light at the end of the long and painfully treacherous road that is dating. You are the prize at the top of the mountain. It's been a long climb, but satisfaction has arrived! Be the blessing.
Rule Six is enter with the best and purest intentions, to love and be loved.
CONCLUSION
With that, I close for now. However, I have another rule. Rule number seven. I will touch on that later.
May the loving Holy Spirit of our Lord fill you.
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